When preparing for birth, there's often a lot of focus on where you plan to give birth, what you might need to pack and the kind of birth experience you're hoping for. Something that's just as important, but sometimes gets less attention, is thinking about who you would like to have supporting you.
The people around you during labour and birth can have a real impact on how supported you feel. Having people you trust, who understand what matters to you and who can support you without judgement, can make a difference to your experience.
So, who do you want in your birth space, and what do you need from them?
Think about what support looks like for you
Before deciding who to ask, it can be helpful to think about the kind of support you would find most useful.
Some women want lots of reassurance and encouragement. Others prefer a quieter presence, someone who can help them feel settled without needing to talk too much. You might want practical help with positioning, movement and comfort, or someone who can help you feel confident asking questions and communicating your preferences.
Think about the people in your life and how they make you feel. Who do you feel comfortable being vulnerable around? Who listens to you? Who can stay calm when things don't go exactly to plan? Who will respect your decisions, even if they would make different choices themselves?
You don't need to choose people because you feel you should. It's worth taking time to consider who you genuinely want there.
Who can be part of your birth support team?
Your support team may include healthcare professionals as well as people you know personally. There isn't one right combination, and what works for one woman may not be right for another.
Your midwife
Your midwife provides clinical care throughout labour and birth, monitors your wellbeing and your baby's wellbeing, and supports you with information and guidance. They can help you understand what is happening, discuss your options and make decisions about your care.
Your birth partner
This might be your partner, a friend, a family member or someone else you feel comfortable having with you. A birth partner can offer emotional and practical support, help you stay comfortable, remind you of your preferences and support you in communicating with your maternity team.
A doula
A doula provides non-clinical support during pregnancy, birth and sometimes the postpartum period. This may include helping you prepare for birth, offering reassurance, suggesting comfort measures and providing continuous emotional support during labour. A doula works alongside your maternity team but does not replace clinical care.
You may choose one birth partner, or you may have a few people supporting you in different ways. It's worth checking the birth setting's current policies around the number of people who can attend.
Have a conversation before labour
It's helpful to talk with your chosen support people during pregnancy rather than waiting until labour begins.
You could share your birth preferences, talk about anything you're feeling worried about and explain what you think might help when labour becomes more intense. You might also want to discuss how you'd like them to support you if plans change or you need to make decisions.
Some things to consider discussing:
Would you prefer encouragement, reassurance or quiet support?
Are there particular words or approaches that help you feel calm?
Would you like support with movement, breathing or changing positions?
How would you like your birth partner to help you ask questions?
What would you find helpful if you feel overwhelmed or uncertain?
Your preferences may change during labour, and that's okay. The purpose of these conversations isn't to create a strict plan for how everything should happen. It's to help your support people understand you and how they can best be there for you.
Feeling supported when decisions need to be made
Birth doesn't always happen exactly as we imagined. Sometimes circumstances change, and you may be offered different options or need to make decisions along the way.
Having someone you trust with you can help you feel more comfortable asking questions and taking in information. Your birth partner might help you remember what you've discussed during pregnancy, ask for clarification or simply give you some reassurance while you process what's happening.
You are entitled to be involved in decisions about your care. You can ask your midwife or doctor to explain the benefits, risks and alternatives of any proposed intervention, taking your individual circumstances into account.
Your support people don't need to make decisions for you. Their role is to help you feel listened to and supported while you make the decisions that are right for you.
Think about the support you'll need afterwards, too
It's easy to focus on the birth itself when preparing your support team, but it's also worth thinking about the weeks that follow.
The early postpartum period brings physical recovery, hormonal changes, feeding, sleep disruption and the adjustment of getting to know your baby. Having practical support can make everyday life feel more manageable.
Think about who might be able to prepare a meal, help with household tasks, look after older children or simply spend time with you. You might want to talk to family and friends about the kind of help you'd appreciate, rather than leaving everyone to guess what you need.
You could also think about who you'd feel comfortable contacting if you're finding things difficult emotionally or physically, and where to access professional support if needed.
A little time to prepare
Choosing your birth support team is a personal decision, and it's worth giving it some thought during pregnancy. Consider the people who make you feel comfortable, respected and able to be yourself. Talk to them about what you might need, and remember that you can change your mind about who you want involved.
Your support network can look different from someone else's. The important thing is that you feel comfortable with the people around you and know where to turn for support throughout pregnancy, birth and the early days with your baby.
With love,
Eva
Continue exploring with OMAMA
BLOOM offers pregnancy education, birth preparation, yoga, meditation and reflective practices to support you as you prepare for birth. Explore the membership to find out more about the resources available throughout your pregnancy.
